Sunday, November 15, 2009

Comment on a friends Blog

Yesterday I visited a good friends Blog.
She brought up a question that stayed in my mind all evening and this morning I took the time to share my thoughts with her and her readers.

You can read MJ's complete post and other comments HERE

and I will post my comment here on my blog as well.

MJ's question was...

"How much do you leave up to fate in regards to what your future holds for you?"

Here's what I think...

Good question MJ!

I was always impressed by people who had big goals and who were driven enough to pursue them. But I wonder how many of them live such a happy and exciting life I get to live.
I never had big goals, I never had "drive", I always had dreams though.
Still have. Some of them became true (like visiting the US and making great friends for example!) and some I keep working on.
I guess it has to do with the way I grew up (or maybe it's in my genes).
Growing up under these circumstances (you (MJ) know some of what I mean) made me live a "numb" life for a long time.
My parents didn't have goals, no one around me had I guess.
I would remember if they did. I know they had dreams, that's for sure.

I left a lot in my life to fate. I didn't know anything else.
Later, in my mid, late 20s I started to awake into a new dimension of my life, I started to discover who I was (still am every single day) and what I wanted for me to happen.
I did have short time goals which some of them I was able to achieve.
I had goals for my future.
With those also came fears for the future... not so nice. "What if I cannot get there" + "What if I fail?"...

It's been a long journey with lots of ups and downs.
Now, I will be turning 40 in little more then a year, I realize more and more that certain goals are a good thing, but they can also be an obstacle.
An obstacle into the NOW.
(I really like
Val's thoughts on this subject!! )
I realize every single day, that if we don't live NOW, in this every moment, we don't live.
Of course I keep thinking of what I can do to keep the family and myself fed and warm, but only because I have to. It's a natural, we all have to do that.

I also think that the definition of a "goal" changes with aging.

(BTW: I wonder if the therm "goal" is something that attracts our EGO and if the therm "dream" is connected to our real ME's...)

When we are young, all we focus on is education, making money and finding our dream job.
Too often we get misled by thinking "success and money leads us to a happy life"...
As some of us get older we change and with it our way of thinking.
We get wiser and most of us have learned what it means to have success, to fail, to gain and to have lost.
For me I seem to have just one REAL goal left in life, and that is to grow spiritually.
I want to be able to stay present in all those situations I haven't been in the past.
I want to be able to be present, so I will not fall back into old patterns that didn't get me anywhere before and certainly will not get me anywhere now.
I KNOW that that's the only path that is paved with true happiness. I think of FATE to be my friend.
And every opportunity that will open up for me in the future I see as a gift.
I don't want to live in the future by setting goals, because my future does not exist yet.
So a goal is just something in my imagination.
Another question is, will I be happy when I reach my goal? Happier then I am now?
Well, one thing is for sure... when I meet one of those great opportunities ("the bull") that benefit me in some way, I will "take the bull by the horn" and make the best out of it.

gtyyup said, "sometimes we wonder if the choices we make are right..........but then we love it here and don't want to be anywhere else."

♥ Micky


  1. I think everyone should have goals in life. If we don't, then we don't grow as a person and never achieve anything. If you don't have goals, you just wonder, having no goal in your life, it seems to me, would be like living a life with no pecific purpose. To just exist. Goals are a plan to accomplish anything. Large or small. Without a goal, your lost. You just wander aimlessly.

    Goals provide a great plan of action that you want to achieve. Like your learning Swedish. That is a great plan and it will help you down the road. Goals also help save time. Instead of wondering for days, months or years, they save you time. Goals help with decision making, making your life happier. Goals give you purpose. To help you get what you want out of life. Making goals help you commit yourself to taking action and helps you get started!! They make dreams come true!...and that is what I think about Goals. Everyone should have Goals in order to make your life what you want it to be!!...debbie

  2. Let's not forget what a fine line there is between an unintentional accomplishment and a goal. The feeling one gets from looking back at it is a warm and fuzzy feeling. Like all these wonderful photos that you've taken over the past twelve years and posted here in your blog slide show!

  3. Thank you guys for your thoughts and opinions! :)
    I agree, the taking action is what makes dreams come true, but not without the help of a portion fate. ;-)

    And yes, I made all of those wonderful photos throughout the past 12 years, but it was never my goal to do it. It just "happened". Makes me proud.
    And I am proud of all the other things I have accomplished throughout my life, but what gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling is to think of what I have now. My little family, some very special friends who live close and far away. I have a roof over my head, firewood to heat it up and a glass of milk beside me.
    I am proud of myself for stepping out of an environment and a family that seems to holds on to pain and suffering.
    I am proud of getting to where I am right now without having set out big goals. I am proud of what I created with my own hands and my mind.
    I think if you chase goals (and some always do) you don't get to be in the moment and enjoy what you have.
    Well, I could go on with my thoughts on this matter forever.

    I guess what I am trying to point out here is that the past is the past. We have learned our lessons and at some point it is important to let go. Not forget, but let go.
    A goal, a dream, is something in the future. Future does not exist. It's not real. It only exists in our minds.
    All I am saying is that it is important to not get lost in the future, not get lost in a goal.
    If I go up the stairs I have to take it step by step. One after another. Of course I want to get up there eventually, that is my "goal". But I will have to watch every step I make in order to get there. And if there is one tread missing, I have to go back down to get a piece of wood, a hammer and a nail to fix it before I can go further up.
    Believe me, if our roof would be leaking, I would be the first one up there trying to fix it. :)

    I have to disagree on Debbie;s thought that Goals make dreams come true, it's US that makes dreams come true. Our actions and assertiveness.

    However, we really are lucky to be able to set out for "goals", for "dreams" or whatever you want to call it.
    We are lucky for "being able to be our own lives director".
    I think of so many humans on this planet who don't have the luxury to have a choice.
    And that is why it is important to reach out and give help whatever way we can so that others get to have dreams to pursue as well.

    But that is another subject.

    I digressed.


  4. Great post, interesting topic. I am a "dreams" person, not goals person. I have to set professional goals for work each year and it really doesn't help me work towards them any better. Most people set goals that are too large or unattainable. And a lot people set them because they like the idea of setting goals, but they have no support or idea of how to accomplish them. Big goals can be overwhelming. If you set goals, break them down into baby steps, that are attainable. Then you'll be more successful.
    I prefer the inspiration route. I have an "idea" of what I want to do, sometimes things just "pop" up in my life that lead me down certain paths. Once I've decided to take that trail, I start to make "plans" in my head. It's like I know what I want to do. But I don't set goals, per se. Then I'm not disapointed when I don't reach them.
    I will head over and check out your friend's post as well.
    Hope you had a great weekend!

  5. Oh so very interesting! i hear you Michi and I feel the same. I don't use the word goal, it sounds like something that has to be achieved. Which it is I guess. I just wrote a post on dreams, kind of talking about the same thing you are here. Dreams matter to me. I can still live in the moment, but I love to dream too. It works for me.


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