Love for ME?

A person very close to me is hurting.

I can feel the pain, the sadness, the solitude, the disappointment.

I know those feelings are not mine.

I recognize those feelings because I haven't forgotten.

Once they were part of my life, part of me.

I used to feel like that a lot.

When I did, all I wanted was to crawl away somewhere and

be alone.

Alone with myself so no on could hurt me again.

I felt horrible, miserable,

but I also made sure no one would see that...

It's a journey.

I am not the only one who has to walk that street.

Slowly and with the help of people around me

and through coaching

I was able to find ME.

I was able to find

the places and times

where I could

RELEASE

the pains, the feelings that had

kept me from

LIVING

for so long.

There are no words that can help you in those moments of pain.

They also need to be lived.

I had to learn it the hard way that

you cannot run away from them.

You cannot hide from them, to place on earth , not even the dreamworld

will protect you from those feelings.

They are real, they claim their right to be lived by you.

So I did.

If I hadn't allowd myself to do let them be alive,

they would have numbed me even more and crippled my soul forever.

Finally I realized at some point,

that the only way to find happiness and peace

would be to start forgiving myself and others

AND

to start loving myself

instead of

desperately asking others to love me first.

And that is probably the hardest lesson to learn for all of us.

I am working on it...every day.

For you! ;-)

A matter of perception

I love this photograph.

I've used it in a prior post, but here it is again

because I think it is really special.

It has a special meaning for me.

I took it a couple of days ago in a shed on the farm.

There are 2 or 3 windows like this one, the glass seems to be old, hand made (blown) glass.

It has those blebs in them, you know.

Only on this window half of the glass is missing.

I took a few steps back and looked outside

from the dark into the light.

Beautiful trees, fresh green foliage moving in the wind.

I could smell them, hear the wind and the birds.

I looked and compared the two different views.

One clear and crisp, the other wishy-washy and blur.

.

.

.

We often have days where we tend to look at something or someone

and are quickly able to form an opinion.

Clear, sharp, true and honest.

On another day we might take another look,

at the same something, the same someone,

and see something completely different.

Our sense of perception might have changed.

There might be something

"in the way"

that makes our ability

to see clear and crisp

impossible.

Like hard feelings, rumours and other peoples stories, opinions and views,

memories... all "handmade" as well ;-)

I often get confused when that happens.

I start to doubt my inner voice, that voice that never lies.

It feels like loosing connection with your inner self.

If that happens it is somehow scary, isn't it.

I need to be able to see what is real and true for me.

Without ANYTHING beeing in the way.

I need to be able to see what is REALLY out there.

:))

A few words on Cleo...

GOOD MORNING WORLD!

I just decided to comment on all the readers comments right here,

first because I think it is more convenient for everyone to read and

second because I feel like it.

;-)

YES, Cleo is a keeper, she is adorable and cute, she has a big personality and is funny.

She makes us laugh a lot, even in situations that are not so funny sometimes...

:))

We spoil her quite a lot,

we always make sure she is happy.

Well, some people think we spoil her, but who is asking them?!

For us, taking care of an animal

in a way that they are happy, is normal.

She "tells" us a lot what to do and how to do it,

but she is never "bossy" or really angry.

She is the most gentle Jack Russel there is.

She has the cutest eyes and if she wants something

(like sitting in the co-drivers lap instead of the back seat)

she will let you know with the sweetest OR most pathetic look on her face.

And she is very persistent, believe me!

If she doesn't get the attention she wants, she starts making the funniest noises...

BUT on the other hand it is easy for her to accept

a simple "NO".

She is gentle with kids and babies, takes good care of her

big buddy Barry (I will introduce him soon too),

she taught him a lot (even the bad things..)

and she is the

BEST FIELD MOUSE HUNTER EVER!

:))

Thank you all for your nice comments!

*

Rain and Colorado, Eagles, Horse and Mule ...

It is still raining...

Well, it has been dry yesterday afternoon and looking out of the window now, I regret that I didn't take the boys for a ride yesterday.

Today it is really nasty outside.

The wind blows the raindrops right into your face... Bäh!

I hope it clears up a little this afternoon, only for an hour or so.

The horses could need a short change of scenery.

*

COLORADO 2006

Our longtime friends MJ and Mr. T (+ all their animals) had just moved to Colorado.

So it was time for a visit!

Well, I had also signed up for a equine massage class that fall, up in Fort Collins...

And so I got to visit MJ, Mr. T, Polly, Rhettly and Maggie before class started in September! After class had finished late October, Hasi flew into Denver as well, and we went back to Mancos for a second visit.

MJ took me for a ride in or near the Mancos State Park, it was so nice!

I got to put my new equine massage skills to work on Polly...

and Rhettly, my dear old friend!

But the most exciting day was, when MJ took us to look for the Bald Eagles in the area...

We were so excited, a huge wish was close to be fulfilled...

Hasi on the look-out...

There they were...!!!

We saw close to 15 Bald Eagles that day.

One remarkable memory!

:))

Koninginnedag

Hasi is dutch, so for her today is a very special day.

It's KONINGINNEDAG today in Holland,

the day where the Queen,

her family and the entire country celebrates her birthday.

Well, it's not her actual birthday today,

but the day where Holland celebrates the

"Queens Day".

It's a day where the dutch people get to see the entire royal Family out in public.

Every year they visit a different city and the city organizes a big party for them.

Hasi will watch it on TV.

I wish I could watch too, but I have a doctors appointment...

At the party the members of the royal family get to see art performances,

traditional customs that are typical for that part of the country,

they are offered food, children sing for them

AND they get to play fun games or even go ice skating.

Prince Willem Alexander from Oranje-Nassau and wife Princess Maxima

(Picture source Internet)

Almost everyone is dressed in orange,

or wears something orange

because it is the royal familiys color.

I also used to live in Holland for a couple of years

and even though the country is small and very crowded

(that was the main reason we left)

I like to follow what is going on in that country.

Dutch people are - in general - very nice people.

And they have fun traditions and beautiful flowers.

Photo source Internet

YES!!!

YES!

We are back in Getinge, the contract is signed and we are happy!!!

The first map shows where we'll move to 1st of June.

The second map shows Getinge,

that is the place

where we live now,

as well as "Fjälkinge",

that's where the horse farm is.

Europe

South Sweden

Fjälkinge is a nice village

about 10 km from Kristianstad,

an absolute historically interesting city in South Sweden.

The horse farm is just outside Fjälkinge,

and just minutes away from very nice Nature Reserve.

(That is the "hill" behind the farm on the second photo below...)

The farm is called "Persdal" and used to be a HUGE farm.

I believe that most of the land has been sold many years ago

and since then it has been adapted to keep horses.

Size of the farm is

about 6 acres, that is 2,5 ha

pastures and paddocks.

And we will rent

an additional 7,4 acres (3ha) of summer pasture.

Lots of space for happy horses!!

The barn has room for 10 or 11 horses at it is now,

but there is room for more if we want to.

We will see.

We will stay there at least 2 years,

but you'll never now.

It might just be those 2 years, it might be longer.

We don't have any specific plans for now.

We take it day by day and focus on the move first.

We'll be very busy for the weeks and months to come,

quiet a few things have to be arranged.

Can't wait for 1st of June!!!

:)))

*HAPPY*

*

Priorities

Ja, it has been a while

since we've heard from certain people.

I heard them say:

"YES, we WILL stay in contact".

"We will MISS YOU", they said.

"We are SAD that you guys are leaving", they said.

Family

Friendship

Love

We take it all for granted sometimes.

And we love to cherish

Family

Friendship

Love

in our lives.

As long as it is not too much "work".

We like it easy.

We like it simple.

We like it uncomplicated.

And yes, we are all so involved and busy in our own lives.

We get SWALLOWED by our own lives, it seems.

In times of EASY and endless possibilities to communicate

it SHOULDN't BE

too hard to

KEEP IN TOUCH, right?!

No matter how many miles we are appart...

Family is not something you can choose, is it?

OR...

CAN we choose Family?

Are only kinship and ancestors

connecting us to our RELATIVES?

Is it about bloodlines or is it about

FEELING CONNECTED

to someone.

No matter how many miles part us from that someone...

Friendship is made so easily these days, so quickly.

I think we are even abusing the word

FRIENDSHIP

these days.

We often reduce, begrade, belittle, deminish this word in it's true meaning, don't we?

Sometimes we say these words (friend, love) too fast,

use them without depth.

We say:

"my friend"

to someone we just met 1 day ago...

Same as a lot of (especially younger) people say:

"I love you"

to someone they met 1 day ago...

Aristotle said:

"What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies."

John Churton Collins said:

"In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends."

Saint Jerome said:

"The friendship that can cease has never been real."

We DO get swallowed by our own lives!

But we also have a choice to change that.

WE DO have that power IN US!

At any point in our lives!

It is up to US to

ACT.

It is up to US to set

PRIORITIES

I MYSELF

did not know the true meaning of friendship for a long time.

Until I moved.

Until I decided to go and live someplace else for the first time.

Years ago.

Until I "decided" to be who I am.

Years ago.

You do get a feeling for it though, over the years.

I get better in recognizing true friendship.

I get also better in recognizing superficialness.

After my first move

it was

HURTING.

I was

SAD.

But I decided to change things for ME.

I decided: "I won't allow life to swallow me too!"

There is a TEACHING for ME in everything.

I am learning.

I am turning it around.

I get better in understanding.

I also get better in not to blame.

I also get better in loving unconditionally.

I get better in staying in touch.

I also get better in letting go.

A good friend used to say:

"We will be able to gather ONE handful of true friends throughout our lifes, if we are lucky."

AND I AM LUCKY ALREADY!

It is all about PRIORITIES, isn't it.

:))

ANOTHER THOUGHT (or more)...

Do I really have to define/analyze the word

FRIENDSHIP?

Do I have to

ANALYZE

every relationship I have with someone?

Is it even possible to measure

TRUE FRIENDSHIP?

Does true friendship need

PROOF?

Do I have to attach

LABELS

to everything in life?

Do I have to put

WORK

into every relationship/friendship?

I do believe I want to

NOURISH

true friendship in life, like rare and fragile flower...

I also believe

that this special connection with another soul is

given by universe.

It is or it is not.

True friendship only knows one color,

there are no shades.

*

Just Monday

Spring, everyone loves Spring!

We went for a short drive today, no particular destination...

Just enjoying nature and landscape from the car seat...

making a few short stops just to capture this lakeview on memory card...

and this...

and this...

AND THIS!!!

Mr. "Wily" was nice enough to stop for a few seconds

before vanishing into the forest again.

:)